


we were little insane, but just enough

by suougibma



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguity, Blood, Dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, M/M, Murder Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28477986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suougibma/pseuds/suougibma
Summary: “I’m ready, Mama.” He smiles so brightly and Taeyong mirrors the very smile plastered on his son’s lips.Taeyong then kisses the crown of his eight year old’s head, whispering anenjoybefore he leaves his son on his element in his favorite time of the day.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 20
Kudos: 56





	we were little insane, but just enough

**Author's Note:**

> please do read the tags first before diving in. although the murder scenes weren't explicitly laid out, blood was still mentioned. if you are not comfortable with these topics, please click away.
> 
> and for whoever wishes to continue, thank you and enjoy.
> 
> (title was taken from epik high ft. yuna's no different)

The sky was angry, spreading loud thunders crackling up above and an unexpected burst of cats and dogs, when Jaehyun reached in front of a house where his feet had brought him after he ran away from home.

It was a lovely home, if he was to describe the initial impression he had when he saw it a few meters away. Despite his unclear vision clouded by the raindrops, Jaehyun still had thought about a happy household there could be in that house. 

There he stood on the front porch, drenched and catching his breath. He literally ran away from home when his father drunkenly chased him with a knife, very much eager to physically harm his boy despite being intoxicated. Jaehyun knew all this time that his father had it in him to hurt him someday.

And that was it.

Jaehyun had no other choice but to run.

Honestly, that was what he had always been planning to do for quite a long time now. A plan at the back of his mind had been carefully laid out there. Only if he was just a little older than twelve, then maybe he could have walked away earlier. Maybe then he would be so much braver.

To make an escape from the suffocating and miserable place that was once a happy home almost sounded like a dream come true. The day his mother died was also the day his father had forgotten his other reason to live. Jaehyun’s father continued to grieve and hurt him, as if Jaehyun himself was never wounded by the fact that the safest place—his mother’s arms—in the world is now gone. Forever.

Nine thirty seven as the clock reads after he checked his wrist watch gifted by his mother when he turned ten, making him feel more hesistant to knock against the door for he’s certain that he would just bother anyone who’s behind the door.

However, as he managed to continue to mull over the thought, the door swang open and effectively startled Jaehyun out of his hesitance even before he could make up his mind on what to do next.

The person before him is a one tall man, whose face was etched with concern and a hint of worry. Jaehyun understands—well, somehow—because if he was to open a door one night to see a boy so young on their front porch, all drenched and trembling from the cold, the initial reaction from him would definitely be similar to what this man is displaying on his face right now.

A scent of freshly baked bread wafted across the hallway straight to the front porch as soon as the door was opened. Jaehyun’s stomach begins to rumble and soon realizes that the last meal he had was from last night. The only thing he managed to fill his stomach the whole day before he ran off was a glass of water.

“Is there anything I can help you with, kid?” Jaehyun immediately diverts his focus on the man’s voice rather than his own growling stomach, curious as to how the older knew he was already there, standing hesitantly. “Are you lost? Why must you be alone on a rainy night like this?”

There were answers tucked under his throat meant for the questions that the man had just asked, but Jaehyun’s eyes had immediately gone wet not from the raindrops but his own tears. They glisten, ready to burst into sad tears because the image of a troubled man that his father is, flashes through his mind. He imagines how he would’ve been splayed on the couch drunk right this moment, with little care of his whereabouts.

With his quivering lips and pleading eyes, the man didn’t have the heart to wait any longer to hear his responses. So, without hesitation, the man pulls Jaehyun inside his warm house and locks the door behind.

“Honey,” a new tone of voice registers to Jaehyun as he try to stop himself from shaking too much, “who was that?”

The man in front Jaehyun tears himself away from him and turns his heels around to look at the other, who’s standing by the other end of the hallway with a black apron on.

He gasps upon seeing Jaehyun, placing a hand on top of his chest. “What happened? Who is this boy?”

“He seems lost, hon. Can you please grab a towel for me?”

Jaehyun stood still on his place, feet planted on the ground until the man’s husband—he assumed—beside him went back with a change of clothes and a huge towel to dry his poor, soaked little frame.

“I’m so sorry.” Jaehyun starts, finally picking up the courage in his guts to say his apologies for suddenly barging in their home. “I didn’t mean to ruin your dinner.”

He really didn’t want to shed even a single tear because he’s done crying. He’s already had enough of leaving his face be stained with tears, only if it wasn’t for the way the towel had warmly touched his skin. It was more than of what his father could offer, for his hands were nothing but cold and violent to Jaehyun.

Both men knelt in front of him as they took care of him have now become more worried. The taller of the two vigorously shakes his head and the latter’s mouth turns upside down.

“What’s your name, kid?” The shorter one asks this time, now carefully folding his soaked clothes. “You can call me Taeyong, and this is my husband, Johnny.”

Jaehyun swallows, looking at each one of the adult before he decided to speak. He sure knows well the rule that tells him not to talk to strangers, but it’s all too late when he was the one who let himself enter inside a stranger’s place. This is his last resort, he thinks. “I’m Jaehyun.”

“What a lovely name, it fits you so well.” Taeyong beams a warm smile for him, genuinely so that Jaehyun felt like crying again.

But then Johnny speaks, “how about this, Jaehyun?” and places a hand on top of his small shoulder. “We fill your stomach first with my husband’s lovely dishes and then we can talk about what happened after? Is that okay?”

Jaehyun thinks that Johnny must’ve heard the rumbling of his stomach earlier, and he simply wouldn’t take a no in such an opportune time like this so he slowly nods his head.

“You might wonder why we eat our dinner kind of late,” Taeyong chuckles, “it’s just we’re both busy with work.”

Jaehyun believes so, because it was easier to do just that especially now that he’s about to be fed.

—

Taeyong can’t help but stifle a chuckle as soon as Jaehyun dove on his plate full of dishes. He was basically inhaling the food that he immediately had forgotten about his table manners.

Other than the husbands owning such a wonderful home, Jaehyun thinks that they also do prepare such amazing food for their guests. Everything there is that existed in that house seemed to satisfy Jaehyun, wishing it was also what they have back home.

The two adults let Jaehyun eat whatever he wants as he pleases, not even an ounce of disgust or irritation painted their faces. And as soon as Jaehyun had felt the need to slow down, he aims for a glass of water for a break. But he soon realized that his stomach is no longer able to take more food, so then he finishes the last two spoonfuls of rice on his plate.

Once he’s finished, he caught himself staring at the bruise on his arm that made the two adults’ eyes to widen when they saw it earlier while he was changing his shirt. The two opted not to pry immediately but let him feel welcomed first in their home and Jaehyun was more than grateful for what they did.

“Are you ready to talk?” Johnny carefully begins again after he and Taeyong had successfully deposited the dirtied utensils inside the dishwasher. This time, all three of them are sitting on the couch in the living room, Jaehyun in between of the husbands.

Jaehyun’s head is hanging low, eyes not meeting any of the adults’ and he kept thinking of the right words to say. He’s not sure why, but after a few moments of silence he finally spoke. “Do you have children?”

A hum of acknowledgement is what he heard from Taeyong. “We have a baby boy,” and then he ruffles Jaehyun’s hair which made him look at the older, “he’s eight and already asleep.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun starts as he scoots a little further on the couch to make himself comfortable, and then continues with a small smile on his mouth, “he must be lucky then to have you as his parents. You both seem nice and cook nice food.”

Johnny shares a sad look with his husband, now it’s him who ruffles Jaehyun’s hair. “Did something happen back at your home?”

With a lack of words of response, Jaehyun chooses to nod and hang his head low again.

“Can you please tell us, so we could help you?” Johnny tells the boy, holding Jaehyun’s trembling hand.

“Please don’t bring me home.” Jaehyun begs this time, palms together as he pleads the two adults, with his eyes brimmed with tears. “My father doesn’t care about me anymore. He hurts me.”

Taeyong frowns, his heart hurting from the boy’s statement. “What do you mean he doesn’t care?”

“When my mother died two years ago, he changed. He became his worst. He’s still grieving and kept beating me...telling me it would’ve been better if I was the one who had died and not her.” Jaehyun once again is crying, no longer able to hold back and keep his promise to himself that he should never cry again.

There he is again, a helpless and weak child—an image his father is so used to. Now, it is Taeyong and Johnny to witness the most vulnerable state of him, and he was left defenseless even more once the two adults beside him wrapped him inside their warm embrace.

As a child who had been deprived of a parent’s loving and affectionate hands, Jaehyun finds himself ugly sobbing in between of Taeyong and Johnny as they softly shushes him.

The next thing he knows is that he’s under a soft blanket and the rain has gone away, allowing the rays of the morning sunlight to peak through the curtain of clouds. He must be dreaming, Jaehyun thought to himself, for this place his eyes are currently seeing is far from where he would usually wake up to, unrecognizable.

He breathes in and out a multiple times and wills to shut his eyes once more, they felt heavy and tired. But even after trying, he could still feel the warmth of the blanket that touches his skin, and the bright rays of sunlight are still there catching his attention.

At some point, Jaehyun still chooses to give it some time, thinking he’s still under this wonderful reverie. But little moments later, he could hear a soft voice behind calling out on his name. He wished for it to be his mother, but then it was a man’s voice and far from what he had hoped for.

Soon, he felt a hand resting on top of his forehead. He winced at the cold touch against his skin, surprised that this dream of his almost felt so real.

“Jaehyun,” he hears above him, voice full of concern, “you’re burning up, my dear.”

He flutters his eyes open once more, only for him to see a child staring at him whose chin is resting on top of his folded arms atop the backbone of the couch. Jaehyun blinks, wondering who this child must be, until he realized he wasn’t actually dreaming.

The look on the younger’s face was covered with confusion and a little of amusement, but so lovely and innocent. Jaehyun carries himself upwards, not only his lids were heavy but also his whole body.

“Mama, he’s awake.” The child says without removing his gaze on Jaehyun, but this time, he smiles.

“Oh, baby, thank you for looking out for him.” Taeyong supplies as a reply and plants a kiss on the crown of the younger’s head.

Taeyong then kneels in front of Jaehyun and brushes his damp, sweaty hair away from his eyes. “Have some of this porridge so you could take a medicine.”

The smile plastered on Taeyong’s mouth is kind and he met the younger’s eyes once again, and there he saw him smile at him again. “My mama cooks very well, you will get better soon!”

Jaehyun gnaws at his bottom lip and says, “I’m so sorry for being such a burden. I didn’t mean to—”

“If you don’t eat it then I will.” The younger announces, cutting him off, now standing on his original height. “You should eat it while it’s warm.”

Jaehyun meets the younger’s eyes again, sheepishly smiling. “Okay.”

Taeyong ruffles both of their messy bed heads and leaves them on their own little bubble when he hears his phone ringing. It must be his husband who’s running errands on the groceries right now.

“I’m Chenle,” the younger speaks again once he settled himself by the other end of the couch, “what about you?”

The younger waits for him to finish his first spoonful of porridge, his tiny legs dangling by the edge of the couch. Jaehyun thinks to himself how adorable the Suhs’ child is. “I’m Jaehyun.”

“Your name is very pretty just like you.” Chenle beams a smile at him, as bright as the morning sunshine. His insides quiver from excitement.

Jaehyun feels the tip of his ears burning, he decided that he’s beginning to like everyone in this abode. “Thank you and so as yours.”

—

The darkness rules once again after the sun went to sleep, and Jaehyun is still in the shelter of the Suh residence.

It has been four days since he’s stepped foot in the home that welcomed him wholeheartedly, much as to what his own home could offer. There were also no signs of his own father looking out for him.

Jaehyun is now a hundred and ten percent certain that his father is better off without him. He wonders what his mother had felt if she was ever informed by the angels in heaven that this has what become of her family back on Earth.

So far, his stay with the Suhs were nothing but nice and a heartwarming experience. He didn’t know until when he should crash in this house, but for now he had convinced Taeyong and Johnny to not tell the authorities his disappearance for he didn’t want anyone to get him and take him elsewhere.

Surprisingly, the two adults easily agreed with his request and let him feel welcomed in the family. Even Chenle was nothing but a sweet boy to him, letting him play with him like an older brother.

Chenle had obviously taken a liking on Jaehyun and it goes the same for Jaehyun. He had always wanted to have a younger sibling to play with and to protect, but his parents didn’t deem it necessary to add another soul in their little family and Jaehyun thought that maybe that was actually a good choice. He wouldn’t have the heart to witness his own younger sibling getting beaten by their own father.

Jaehyun thinks he could settle here for a while, until he could figure out how to pay for his own life.

—

Two weeks had passed and Jaehyun still sleeps on the Suhs’ couch, being fed, and clothed by said family, while his own father is most likely living his life as of this moment now that he’s finally got rid of his good-for-nothing son.

In the span of those weeks, he managed to somehow fit in with this small family. It wasn’t as difficult as it should be, for everyone was very humbling and kind to him.

Sometimes, Jaehyun would feel as if he was actually a member of the family. He could laugh and talk with them with no pressure and difficulties, as if he had known them for years.

But one night, this reality he painted in his head went crumbling down before his eyes, tearing into pieces. Little by little like dominoes. He had thought it would last for long, this sweet dream, until the universe decided to smack him back upside the head to shove the actual reality on his face.

“You think we wouldn’t notice?” Johnny acquiesces in the dim lights, startling Jaehyun who was doing laundry in the basement. His face that was once full of colors and happy expressions is now as blank as a clean canvas.

Jaehyun gulps, brows furrowing. He schools his expression into something close to being confused, but his knuckles are starting to turn white as he clenches them into fists behind him.

“What do you mean, Johnny?”

This time, Johnny snorts. The grin plastered on his mouth is sinister, bringing Jaehyun’s hairs on his arms to stand on its ends. He had never thought that Johnny was capable of making someone feel terrified, for he’s usually all smiles, eyes drawn as half moons.

“For as young as you are,” Johnny gestures his hands from top to bottom to emphasize Jaehyun’s smaller frame, “you are such a wonderful actor.”

Johnny startles the younger once more when he clapped for the boy, now chuckling to himself.

“How was it?” The older of the two pries another question, making Jaehyun to furrow his brows even more. “I mean, killing your parents, that is.”

For a moment, Jaehyun was stunned. The air in his lungs almost dissipated from the sudden bold statement of the adult. Until his feet felt as if they were planted on the ground, effortlessly holding him down, and his nails digging even deeper on his palms. It could bleed any moment now but there’s not an ounce of pain he feels there, for the sinister aura that looms over Johnny, bigger than his body, is an enough reason to prickle terror on his skin.

“What are you saying?” Despite the loud pounding inside his chest, Jaehyun managed to find some words to say. He’s not sure who was he trying to distract, was it him or Johnny? “If you need me to leave, just tell m—”

Johnny shakes his head a no, effectively shutting the younger up. “I hate to break it to you, kid,” he advances near Jaehyun little by little, wagging his index finger mid-air, “but there’s no exit here.”

Once Johnny was mere inches away from the younger, he grabbed his chin and forced him to look him in the eye. Jaehyun’s insides were trembling in fear, that the night he ran away flashes at the back of his mind.

He remembers it, vividly, how he had felt so relieved when the knife he grabbed from the kitchen dug against the chest of his violent father after successfully finding the best timing while he was asleep. The blood that splutters all over his face upon the first stab was immaculate. It was what urged him to make another strike and slit his father’s throat, showing him no mercy at all despite the pained expression on his features. He finds the delight in using such violence to his father, so much that he might have stabbed him more than enough. Thirteen, if he ever counted.

It was still clear in his head the moment he kicked the lifeless body of his father down their basement, with no remorse but grin on his mouth. _Finally_ , was the last word he uttered after he locked the basement and threw its key in the lake close to the park before he had searched for a home to crash into.

What Jaehyun didn’t know was that, photos of him with his name are already all over the walls of several streets in their neighborhood. Wanted. And whoever gets to tell the authorities where he could be hiding must receive a reward.

Johnny thinks that for a young child like Jaehyun, he’s got some guts to execute such a thing, but still lacking in so many ways. Well, his age could be a given, too, and being inexperienced. But he still wants to give him a credit for finding the courage to knock against someone’s door and pretend like he was just an innocent, lost boy. Johnny wants to laugh his ass off.

“You must have been delighted, too, when you had pushed your abusive mother on a train railway.” Johnny laughs. Everything he learned about this kid had somehow entertained him for good. Even his husband who had initially thought that Jaehyun was just another bad soul as they were, found it no surprise and decided to play along with this game Jaehyun started called: Play Pretend.

The God of Death must have been in disarray today, as he watches his underlings report to him about a good amount of wrong deaths that the Suhs might have contributed to and so as Jaehyun for killing his parents.

Johnny never believed in any god. Never once he did. But if there is one, he would choose to believe it as Taeyong, his husband who brings out the best in him like no one ever did, like it’s nobody’s business. His partner in crime. His other half.

“Prepare yourself.” Was the last thing Johnny had said to the younger before he lets go of the tight grip he had on Jaehyun’s chin.

Jaehyun gasps out for air once he felt himself be released by Johnny’s death grip. His sight is becoming blurry from the tears that’s been forming in his eyes. But Johnny’s footsteps now sounds farther, away from him, and Jaehyun wipes his eyes clean with the back of his hand and grabs one of Johnny’s arms before the man had the chance to walk away completely.

“Please!” The kid begs, holding onto Johnny’s arm as if his life depended on it. But Johnny’s eyes didn’t meet his this time. “I’d do anything, just _please_ , don’t tell the police where I am.”

Johnny shakes his arm with force and he easily got rid of the younger’s grasp on him. “You need not to worry, kid,” he turns his back and the sinister smile he had a while ago is now back on his lips, “because no one will ever know where you are now.”

A shiver zips in his veins, ultimately putting him into a shock, that even if he had begged Johnny again and again, the moment Johnny had shouted a _stay right there_ when he attempted to make a move was enough to make him do as he was told.

Jaehyun finds himself alone again. This time, inside the small basement of the Suhs, crying so hard he could almost feel his eyes draining into a fucking desert.

—

“Mama,” Chenle calls, peaking through the ajar door of their tiny basement, “I’m hungry.”

“You can have it whenever you’re ready, baby.” Taeyong answers, voice echoing within the small space. He hears the creak from the rusty hinges of their basement door, and soon, Taeyong sees his son descending on the stairs.

“I’m ready, Mama.” He smiles so brightly and Taeyong mirrors the very smile plastered on his son’s lips. In moments as such, Taeyong is reminded of an innocent and ordinary child—something Chenle will never be.

Taeyong then kisses the crown of his eight year old’s head, whispering an _enjoy_ before he leaves his son on his element in his favorite time of the day.

From the top of the stairs there he saw his husband, eyes tired from work but his smile is still bright akin to their child’s as soon as he saw Taeyong.

Johnny gathers his husband inside his embrace and Taeyong immediately lets himself be swept off of his feet once again. Even more so when Johnny finally captures his lips to kiss him tenderly.

“Such a waste,” Chenle says down the basement, sporting a little pout on his lips, “you were a nice playmate. But we are too hungry now.”

Upstairs behind the locked door of the basement, Johnny and Taeyong never part—or at least flinch—from the kiss despite hearing the faint sounds of Jaehyun’s cries and screams down the basement, muffled by the soundproof system installed, as their son devours him for dinner.

Their son, Chenle, who looked a lot like a normal, innocent child on the outside, but on the inside, he’s always been hiding a monster there.

Johnny and Taeyong’s finest art.

**Author's Note:**

> i would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> happy new year, everyone ☆


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